I realized this morning that I have not blogged in just about a month, and that is due to many reasons. First of all, my husband came home from another underway and I have been able to keep him for a whole 2 weeks!!! So, of course I stay off my computer for the most part, and spend time with him :) Also, it's been a rough couple of weeks for me mentally. Let me explain...
On October 8 I FINALLY was able to go to my second appointment with the RE at Portsmouth. All of mine and my husband's test results came back, and she had everything in one little folder. I was a little taken back at first because my doctor did not handle the appointment, but her assistant did. I didn't want to be rude and specifically ask for my doctor, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wondered...
Well, all of our tests looked great! Both of my falop tubes are open! No blockage at all. My bloodwork was exactly what they expected, and my overall health was great. As far as my husband goes, he had a good number of swimmers, but they weren't as mobile as they would have liked. This could have been contributed to a number of factors, but the doctor assured me they were not worried about it at all. I am sure that with all of the stress he has been under with the ship's schedule lately, is what helped that out.
Long story short, the doc decided that we can now do our first IUI!! Unbelievably great news! She also decided that because of how well our tests looked, she is willing to do 6 rounds of it, which is even better to hear. I told her that my concern was about my husband because he is due to go underway again for another 3 weeks. She suggested freezing his swimmers now, so we can guarantee we will have some when the time comes. I was given a list of step by step instructions to follow, with the first requirement being starting my cycle. I went down to the Pharmacy and picked up all of the pills that I need.
Well, 10 days later my husband has frozen some sperm, and it now waits at the sperm bank for it's big day. I have been taking provera everyday to get my cycle going. Today is the last pill, so it should start anywhere between friday-monday. All good news right? Exactly what I had been hoping for, and even sooner than I had thought.
I wish it was that easy though. I wish I could say that I am ecstatic and full of hope, and grateful that we are finally here. But, that would be lying. Honestly, I am terrified. I think about it all day, everyday. I am stressed out, which I know is bad for my body during this time. I am worried, and I am wondering constantly what will happen from here. Even though we will be given 6 chances for our dream to come true, I am not sure whether I will have the strength to see 6 failed pregnancy tests. After coming this far, and feeling the constant dissapointment, I just don't know how much more I can take. I know several woman who were able to have it work on the FIRST TRY! But, something inside of me says I will not be one of them. This pessimistic attitude is eating me away, and I plan on telling my therapist exactly these thoughts. I need a boost. I need someone to tell me to keep the faith, and someone to believe in me, because I am starting to not believe in myself :(
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Learning to take care of myself first.
I think one of the biggest things we all deal with when struggling with infertility is when we see friends or family become pregnant and have lots babies, as we are on our heartbreaking journey. it is very difficult to figure out exactly how to handle the situation, while not offending anyone. What I have learned though, is that no matter what you do, someone is going to be affected, and not always in a good way.
I met a friend a few months ago, who had the same PCOS syndrome as me. I feel as though we clicked right away. She understood my pain, and she was on her way to doing her first IUI. She referred me to her doctor, and her therapist, and I believed I had found a real confidant. Within 3 weeks of getting to know her, she learned her IUI was successful and she was pregnant. "Ouch" is all I can say. Deep down of course I was happy to see her get what she asked for, and deserved. But, nothing could deny the fact that I was still dealing with an empty womb, and needed time to heal just from hearing her news. I immediately felt myself branch away from her, and even avoid her. It was a horrible feeling, but if I even started to think about all the joy she was experiencing right now, my heart burst with pain.
I brought this up with my therapist the other day, and asked her what the right thing to do was. I said to her, "I feel so nasty and mean, and as though I am a very petty person for being this way." You know what her response to me was? You need to protect your own heart, and help yourself through life before you can take care of anyone else. Basically, if staying away from this friend was what I needed right now, then no matter how badly it made us both feel, it is what needed to be done.
To all of my girls steal waiting on a BFP: do not allow yourself to feel bad that you want space from those who have what you don't. This is a very sensitive subject, and one that needs your ability to stay strong. If anything knocks down that strength, then you need to get away from it.
On a more positive note, my husband had his sperm analysis today! 20 days until my follow up appointment with the RE! I will be counting down every single day :)
I met a friend a few months ago, who had the same PCOS syndrome as me. I feel as though we clicked right away. She understood my pain, and she was on her way to doing her first IUI. She referred me to her doctor, and her therapist, and I believed I had found a real confidant. Within 3 weeks of getting to know her, she learned her IUI was successful and she was pregnant. "Ouch" is all I can say. Deep down of course I was happy to see her get what she asked for, and deserved. But, nothing could deny the fact that I was still dealing with an empty womb, and needed time to heal just from hearing her news. I immediately felt myself branch away from her, and even avoid her. It was a horrible feeling, but if I even started to think about all the joy she was experiencing right now, my heart burst with pain.
I brought this up with my therapist the other day, and asked her what the right thing to do was. I said to her, "I feel so nasty and mean, and as though I am a very petty person for being this way." You know what her response to me was? You need to protect your own heart, and help yourself through life before you can take care of anyone else. Basically, if staying away from this friend was what I needed right now, then no matter how badly it made us both feel, it is what needed to be done.
To all of my girls steal waiting on a BFP: do not allow yourself to feel bad that you want space from those who have what you don't. This is a very sensitive subject, and one that needs your ability to stay strong. If anything knocks down that strength, then you need to get away from it.
On a more positive note, my husband had his sperm analysis today! 20 days until my follow up appointment with the RE! I will be counting down every single day :)
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Wishing time would speed up....
It's been a bit since I have posted, and probably some good reasons for that. Dealing with infertility and a husband in the military is always challenging. After my first appointment with the RE I was given a list of different types of testing that needed to be done, before she would see me again. It's been a long journey in itself just to complete all of the expected testing.
I was given Provera again immediately to jump start my period. 10 day of it, and then period began within 2 days of stopping. Cycle day 1 was September 1, and on cycle day 3 I had to drive down to Portsmouth where I gave a sample of blood testing for many different things. About a week after the test the RE called me and stated that some of the results concerned her a bit, and she wanted to get an HSG test done on me right away. Of course I didn't want to waste any time, so I grabbed a friend and went back to Portsmouth yet again where they performed the test. Not something I would ever want to do again, but was told that there is no blockage in either of my tubes. What a relief that was to hear! After the test, I believe at this point my testing has come to a close, at least I hope and pray so.
Now, the last bit of testing she needs done is a semen analysis from my husband. Now this should have been a very simple thing to do, and done fairly quickly, but it was not. My husband left right away after my first appointment to go underway with the ship. He was gone for about a week, so that pushed things back. He is now home, and has an appointment finally this coming Wednesday. Unfortunately though it takes 2 weeks for the results to come back. SO: hopefully after this wednesday we will have completed everything that was asked of us, and I can soon make a follow up appointment to see where we go from here. Very excited for this, and maintaining a positive attitude while reminding myself that good things come to those who wait :)
Along with trying to complete all of what is needed from us, I was referred by a good friend to see a local therapist has dealt with a lot of infertility patients. I decided to give it a try, and see how it went; it certainly couldn't hurt. The day I walked into the therapist's office was when I knew I had reached my breaking point. My husband was gone, and I was getting no answers still with anything. I was struggling badly, and in a very dark place within myself. I knew that I had to do something to change the way I was living, or nothing positive would happen for me. I opened up to the therapist and listened to her advice. I am so very grateful that I have found her.
I am now seeing the therapist twice a week, while dealing with my husband constantly going in and out. I am keeping my head held high and reminding myself that the more effort and positivity you put in something the better things will be :)
I was given Provera again immediately to jump start my period. 10 day of it, and then period began within 2 days of stopping. Cycle day 1 was September 1, and on cycle day 3 I had to drive down to Portsmouth where I gave a sample of blood testing for many different things. About a week after the test the RE called me and stated that some of the results concerned her a bit, and she wanted to get an HSG test done on me right away. Of course I didn't want to waste any time, so I grabbed a friend and went back to Portsmouth yet again where they performed the test. Not something I would ever want to do again, but was told that there is no blockage in either of my tubes. What a relief that was to hear! After the test, I believe at this point my testing has come to a close, at least I hope and pray so.
Now, the last bit of testing she needs done is a semen analysis from my husband. Now this should have been a very simple thing to do, and done fairly quickly, but it was not. My husband left right away after my first appointment to go underway with the ship. He was gone for about a week, so that pushed things back. He is now home, and has an appointment finally this coming Wednesday. Unfortunately though it takes 2 weeks for the results to come back. SO: hopefully after this wednesday we will have completed everything that was asked of us, and I can soon make a follow up appointment to see where we go from here. Very excited for this, and maintaining a positive attitude while reminding myself that good things come to those who wait :)
Along with trying to complete all of what is needed from us, I was referred by a good friend to see a local therapist has dealt with a lot of infertility patients. I decided to give it a try, and see how it went; it certainly couldn't hurt. The day I walked into the therapist's office was when I knew I had reached my breaking point. My husband was gone, and I was getting no answers still with anything. I was struggling badly, and in a very dark place within myself. I knew that I had to do something to change the way I was living, or nothing positive would happen for me. I opened up to the therapist and listened to her advice. I am so very grateful that I have found her.
I am now seeing the therapist twice a week, while dealing with my husband constantly going in and out. I am keeping my head held high and reminding myself that the more effort and positivity you put in something the better things will be :)
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Meet your new reproductive endocrinologist
My first day ever at an infertility clinic. It was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I had no idea what to expect, but yet knew in my heart what I needed. My new doctor has been specializing in this for a long time, and has a lot of experience. She came storming into the room with confidence booming, and knew right away what she wanted to do with me.
I cried, I sniffed and broke down and told her all of my anxiety and fears that eat away at me everyday. She listened, and she respected me. She didn't tell me, "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" or "you're still young. You have plenty of time." No, in fact she understood my desire to be a mother right now, not tomorrow, and she promised to help me with that!
She did some testing on me right away while I was there. Sonogram, urine test, and Pap Smear. Now the plan is to finish the testing in the next few weeks. I started Provera again today for the next 10 days to bring my period on. On the 3rd day of my cycle I need to go in and have my blood drawn. Also, Brendan needs to go and give a semen sample for analysis. Once all of these things are done, and the paperwork is in front of her then we will decide together what we want to do. She strongly feels that I should do an IUI, and maybe even IVF is somewhere in my future. The number one thing is that we are a hell of a lot closer than where we were yesterday!
It's going to be about another month before I can go back, and go from there, but that's okay because I feel as though the light at the end of my tunnel is getting closer and closer.
I cried, I sniffed and broke down and told her all of my anxiety and fears that eat away at me everyday. She listened, and she respected me. She didn't tell me, "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" or "you're still young. You have plenty of time." No, in fact she understood my desire to be a mother right now, not tomorrow, and she promised to help me with that!
She did some testing on me right away while I was there. Sonogram, urine test, and Pap Smear. Now the plan is to finish the testing in the next few weeks. I started Provera again today for the next 10 days to bring my period on. On the 3rd day of my cycle I need to go in and have my blood drawn. Also, Brendan needs to go and give a semen sample for analysis. Once all of these things are done, and the paperwork is in front of her then we will decide together what we want to do. She strongly feels that I should do an IUI, and maybe even IVF is somewhere in my future. The number one thing is that we are a hell of a lot closer than where we were yesterday!
It's going to be about another month before I can go back, and go from there, but that's okay because I feel as though the light at the end of my tunnel is getting closer and closer.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Hello Infertility Clinic! We are about to become best friends...
After a long wait, and 2 stressful weeks of lost medical records, tomorrow marks my very first appointment at the infertility clinic! Words would never be able to describe the relief and excitement that is coursing through my body right now! I have a good feeling that this is our chance, and things are about to turnaround for us!
One of the greatest perks about being a military family is that we get access to excellent medical care and specialists. I have heard some great things about Portsmouth, and now I get to experience it firsthand!
I know that I would be fool to put myself too high up on the cloud, especially when the journey could still be far from over. But I would also be lying to myself if I tried to ignore this bursting feeling in my chest! Never had I had so much hope for something in my life.
It seems as though everywhere I turn there are just countless numbers of women carrying, and babies in carriers...all over the place. I used to envy those women and allow myself to be taken under with my own grief. Not anymore though; no, now is the time to have faith in God and believe that there is a path laid out for me, and I must walk it. Some things are completely out of our control, and the more we sit back and let him take the reigns, the better off we are.
I am going to have hope that this new doctor takes good care of me, and helps Brendan and I to achieve the desire we have had for so long! The sun has come out!
One of the greatest perks about being a military family is that we get access to excellent medical care and specialists. I have heard some great things about Portsmouth, and now I get to experience it firsthand!
I know that I would be fool to put myself too high up on the cloud, especially when the journey could still be far from over. But I would also be lying to myself if I tried to ignore this bursting feeling in my chest! Never had I had so much hope for something in my life.
It seems as though everywhere I turn there are just countless numbers of women carrying, and babies in carriers...all over the place. I used to envy those women and allow myself to be taken under with my own grief. Not anymore though; no, now is the time to have faith in God and believe that there is a path laid out for me, and I must walk it. Some things are completely out of our control, and the more we sit back and let him take the reigns, the better off we are.
I am going to have hope that this new doctor takes good care of me, and helps Brendan and I to achieve the desire we have had for so long! The sun has come out!
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Clomid is not my miracle drug!
It has been a few weeks since I was last able to write. Things got very busy for me, as my husband and I had our first big PCS to Norfolk Va! We have a beautiful home, and I am now working again. I feel good about myself, and happy that I can contribute. My husband has since reported to his first ship, and is starting to get into the swing of things. We are....content. However, there is still this huge void in our lives, and it does not seem to be filling anytime soon :(
I just finished my second round of provera and clomid, and yet again it was unsuccessful. This time around I knew in my heart not to get excited, and to expect little. Thankgod, because when I saw that negative pregnancy test again my heart didn't brake as much as last time. I can't explain how, but something in me knows that clomid is just not working for me. I feel as though we need to dig deeper, and maybe even start looking into procedures. Who knows...
One of the greatest things about this new duty station is that they have an entire infertility clinic on base!! I have heard wonderful things about them, and even have a good friend who was able to get pregnant with their help. My first appointment is next week, and I am so incredibly anxious! I just don't know what to expect. I know that it is unrealistic to assume that they will just magically have me pregnant within the next month, but without hope I wouldn't get anywhere. My husband deploys early next year, so we have a little bit of time to try and accomplish this! Sure there will be several underways in between that time, but I am determined to not give up and keep pushing through!
This whole trying to think positively thing seems to be working more than ever! I tell myself everyday that some things are out of my control, and that whatever happens is always for the best. Climbing that ladder though!
I just finished my second round of provera and clomid, and yet again it was unsuccessful. This time around I knew in my heart not to get excited, and to expect little. Thankgod, because when I saw that negative pregnancy test again my heart didn't brake as much as last time. I can't explain how, but something in me knows that clomid is just not working for me. I feel as though we need to dig deeper, and maybe even start looking into procedures. Who knows...
One of the greatest things about this new duty station is that they have an entire infertility clinic on base!! I have heard wonderful things about them, and even have a good friend who was able to get pregnant with their help. My first appointment is next week, and I am so incredibly anxious! I just don't know what to expect. I know that it is unrealistic to assume that they will just magically have me pregnant within the next month, but without hope I wouldn't get anywhere. My husband deploys early next year, so we have a little bit of time to try and accomplish this! Sure there will be several underways in between that time, but I am determined to not give up and keep pushing through!
This whole trying to think positively thing seems to be working more than ever! I tell myself everyday that some things are out of my control, and that whatever happens is always for the best. Climbing that ladder though!
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
She's a baby machine. My nobs are broken :(
I think one of the hardest things about dealing with infertility is seeing other women who get pregnant if they even so much as breath. On my Navy support page that I run I met a young woman my age who was pregnant and about to give birth. Her husband was deployed, so I felt very badly for her. She had the baby and everything went smoothly. Now mind you, this baby was her second, and I tried to ignore the sick feeling I had in my stomach. It's now been 2 months since I last spoke with her, and this morning I learned that she is now pregnant with baby number 3, and probably conceived within 1 week of giving birth....
Let me be clear that I hold absolutely no animosity towards this woman at all. It certainly is not her fault that she is so incredibly fertile and I am so incredibly not... However, it would be a complete lie if I were to sit here and say that it doesn't hurt like hell. I sometimes lay in bed as I am about to go to sleep and wonder why it is that she can have 3 healthy children, and I have none. I don't understand what this path is that God has chosen for me to go down, and why. I feel as though I deserve a child just as much as she does, and yet I still keep yearning.
If I see anyone birth announcements, or women who are pregnant, I go to extreme measures to avoid them. I will delete them off Facebook, or block them. I will walk the other way so I do not need to be near them. Childish I know. What do you expect me to do? The reality of it all is that no matter what I tell myself everyday, no matter how positive I try to stay, the pain is unbearable.
It's tiring to work so hard to do something that the female body was intended for. It's discouraging to see continuous negative signs on a pregnancy test....
I am about to start taking clomid again tomorrow for round 2. I am trying not to get excited, because let downs hurt too. I just wish I could be the woman I envy so much.
Let me be clear that I hold absolutely no animosity towards this woman at all. It certainly is not her fault that she is so incredibly fertile and I am so incredibly not... However, it would be a complete lie if I were to sit here and say that it doesn't hurt like hell. I sometimes lay in bed as I am about to go to sleep and wonder why it is that she can have 3 healthy children, and I have none. I don't understand what this path is that God has chosen for me to go down, and why. I feel as though I deserve a child just as much as she does, and yet I still keep yearning.
If I see anyone birth announcements, or women who are pregnant, I go to extreme measures to avoid them. I will delete them off Facebook, or block them. I will walk the other way so I do not need to be near them. Childish I know. What do you expect me to do? The reality of it all is that no matter what I tell myself everyday, no matter how positive I try to stay, the pain is unbearable.
It's tiring to work so hard to do something that the female body was intended for. It's discouraging to see continuous negative signs on a pregnancy test....
I am about to start taking clomid again tomorrow for round 2. I am trying not to get excited, because let downs hurt too. I just wish I could be the woman I envy so much.
Monday, July 15, 2013
Round 2 they say!
After our first unnsuccesful and incredibly disappointing failed month on fertility drugs, the doc is still confident that we can do this on our own! So, that means a new prescription is being filled currently, and round numero 2 is about to begin!
Alright, so let's stop for a moment and consider everything that is happening here. In the last 2 months I have learned that I have severe PCOS, and then I did my first month on fertility drugs. Seeing that little pink negative sign was awful, and made me wonder if I would have the strength to carry on this journey, for however long it may be. But then my husband took me into his arms and reminded me that when we took our vows, it didn't matter the obstacles that were coming along. I had to have another reminder that our life is amazing as it is, and we are so lucky for what we do have! A baby is just something that will come when we least expect it.
With that being said, I still hope this second round is it for us! Haha, I can't control myself. However, this next time around I am going into it with a head full of knowledge! I plan to track BBT and Ovulation twice everyday, and I have now completely cut out alcohol and caffeine from my diet! I am back to exercising everyday, and most importantly: I am not going to let myself get stressed out! I am going to do exactly what doc orders, and if it doesn't happen again, then we will deal with it.
The best part about all of this? Hubby has to report to his ship by the second week of August. Once he does so his schedule becomes insane! We got incredibly lucky that we are able to get one more round in before that happens! I am so grateful for all of the chances we are being given. Time to make the most out of them! I will keep everyone updated as the big O hits and then when its time to baby test again :) Baby dust!!!!!
Alright, so let's stop for a moment and consider everything that is happening here. In the last 2 months I have learned that I have severe PCOS, and then I did my first month on fertility drugs. Seeing that little pink negative sign was awful, and made me wonder if I would have the strength to carry on this journey, for however long it may be. But then my husband took me into his arms and reminded me that when we took our vows, it didn't matter the obstacles that were coming along. I had to have another reminder that our life is amazing as it is, and we are so lucky for what we do have! A baby is just something that will come when we least expect it.
With that being said, I still hope this second round is it for us! Haha, I can't control myself. However, this next time around I am going into it with a head full of knowledge! I plan to track BBT and Ovulation twice everyday, and I have now completely cut out alcohol and caffeine from my diet! I am back to exercising everyday, and most importantly: I am not going to let myself get stressed out! I am going to do exactly what doc orders, and if it doesn't happen again, then we will deal with it.
The best part about all of this? Hubby has to report to his ship by the second week of August. Once he does so his schedule becomes insane! We got incredibly lucky that we are able to get one more round in before that happens! I am so grateful for all of the chances we are being given. Time to make the most out of them! I will keep everyone updated as the big O hits and then when its time to baby test again :) Baby dust!!!!!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Dealing with infertility? The military will throw a wrench!
Alright, as you all know I have been diagnosed with PCOS. I just did my first round of fertility drugs, and it was unsuccessful. I am about to start my second round, and am doing everything I can to stay positive and have faith. There is one major problem with that though: I am married to someone in the military.
Why is this a problem, you may ask? Well, let's start with the obvious: my husband has a schedule that no one would trade for. If he is home he is exhausted, and planning for the next task he has. We have been lucky that this first month he was in schooling so we had plenty of Baby dancing time. But, now it is time to report to ship and that means underways, long work days, duty weekends, and the dreaded deployments. My fear? That I will pin point my special day of ovulation, and hubs wont be there for it. Well, say goodbye to a whole month.
Of course, I am not just complaining here, do not get me wrong. I am so grateful that my husband has a steady job, and does something that he loves. We have good health insurance and a constant income. I am grateful for what I have been given in this life, for sure. But, let's be honest. There is no way I am not going to have these fears in the back of my mind. I can not avoid being nervous that the military life is going to push this process even further back. Can I also open up, and express a sincere hope I have? Hubs will most likely be going on his first deployment around the beginning of this next year. Maybe, just maybe we can have a little nugget in the oven before he goes!!!?????
Wishful thinking I know. But, trust me; when you become a military wife you learn how to plan.
Why is this a problem, you may ask? Well, let's start with the obvious: my husband has a schedule that no one would trade for. If he is home he is exhausted, and planning for the next task he has. We have been lucky that this first month he was in schooling so we had plenty of Baby dancing time. But, now it is time to report to ship and that means underways, long work days, duty weekends, and the dreaded deployments. My fear? That I will pin point my special day of ovulation, and hubs wont be there for it. Well, say goodbye to a whole month.
Of course, I am not just complaining here, do not get me wrong. I am so grateful that my husband has a steady job, and does something that he loves. We have good health insurance and a constant income. I am grateful for what I have been given in this life, for sure. But, let's be honest. There is no way I am not going to have these fears in the back of my mind. I can not avoid being nervous that the military life is going to push this process even further back. Can I also open up, and express a sincere hope I have? Hubs will most likely be going on his first deployment around the beginning of this next year. Maybe, just maybe we can have a little nugget in the oven before he goes!!!?????
Wishful thinking I know. But, trust me; when you become a military wife you learn how to plan.
First month on fertility drugs= failure :(
Let me start this off by saying that I am very aware that there are women out there who have been TTC for a very long time, and if they heard me complaining about one failed month they might just want to slap me. I know this; and trust me I acknowledge my ridiculousness at points. However, with that being said, we all know that EVERY single month you get a negative pregnancy test is just as heartbreaking as the last 10.
Can I vent alittle? I am so sick and tired of people telling me that "it will happen when it's supposed to happen." No actually it won't. I do not get periods on my own, and I certainly do not ovulate on my own. So how is it supposed to "just happen?" No, I unfortunately (as well as many others) have to plan every single move, and know every day what is happening with my body. The doc started me out on some Provera to get my cycle jumpstarted. I took those little white pills for 10 days. Literally the day after I took the last little guy my monthly came! Woo, what a surprise! I hadn't seen that friend in a long time. Alright, so then I had to start counting that as day 1 and track my cycle. On day 5 I began taking clomid, which is a drug to help you ovulate. I had to take clomid for day 5-9 of my cycle. I bought some of those exspensive clearblue digital ovulation tests, and began checking in the morning as soon as I started clomid. What do you know, on day 11 I get a positive ovulation test! I ran through the house screaming and grabbed my husband. It was baby dancing time!!!!!!!!
After all the fun was over I then went back and read the instructions that come with the tests. Uh oh. It clearly says on the box that if you have PCOS then the results may not be accurate. Crap...
So to remedy the situation hubs and I Baby danced once everyday. We felt pretty good about ourselves, and made an appointment with doc to get my blood drawn!! Would this be my lucky month, would I only need one single round of treatments?
Unfortunately, no. This was not our month; and the drugs were a failure. I put part of the blame on myself for simply believing in a pee stick to give me so much hope. Those tests are for normal women who have normal cycles. Yeah, dummy!
I think it is needless to say that I was devastated. Those negative results really kicked my ass. I didn't even want to get out of bed that day, and luckily I had a husband who was right there by my side. I then woke up the next day, and realized that it was only one month. One single month that I have tried so far and been unsuccessful. There is no reason to be giving up hope so quickly!
I am waiting to hear back from doc about when we can start round 2, and this time I am going to pay alot more attention to things. Not only will I do ovulation tests everyday, but I will also track my BBT(Basal Body Temperature) to see if they are matching up. I refuse to quit this fight.
Can I vent alittle? I am so sick and tired of people telling me that "it will happen when it's supposed to happen." No actually it won't. I do not get periods on my own, and I certainly do not ovulate on my own. So how is it supposed to "just happen?" No, I unfortunately (as well as many others) have to plan every single move, and know every day what is happening with my body. The doc started me out on some Provera to get my cycle jumpstarted. I took those little white pills for 10 days. Literally the day after I took the last little guy my monthly came! Woo, what a surprise! I hadn't seen that friend in a long time. Alright, so then I had to start counting that as day 1 and track my cycle. On day 5 I began taking clomid, which is a drug to help you ovulate. I had to take clomid for day 5-9 of my cycle. I bought some of those exspensive clearblue digital ovulation tests, and began checking in the morning as soon as I started clomid. What do you know, on day 11 I get a positive ovulation test! I ran through the house screaming and grabbed my husband. It was baby dancing time!!!!!!!!
After all the fun was over I then went back and read the instructions that come with the tests. Uh oh. It clearly says on the box that if you have PCOS then the results may not be accurate. Crap...
So to remedy the situation hubs and I Baby danced once everyday. We felt pretty good about ourselves, and made an appointment with doc to get my blood drawn!! Would this be my lucky month, would I only need one single round of treatments?
Unfortunately, no. This was not our month; and the drugs were a failure. I put part of the blame on myself for simply believing in a pee stick to give me so much hope. Those tests are for normal women who have normal cycles. Yeah, dummy!
I think it is needless to say that I was devastated. Those negative results really kicked my ass. I didn't even want to get out of bed that day, and luckily I had a husband who was right there by my side. I then woke up the next day, and realized that it was only one month. One single month that I have tried so far and been unsuccessful. There is no reason to be giving up hope so quickly!
I am waiting to hear back from doc about when we can start round 2, and this time I am going to pay alot more attention to things. Not only will I do ovulation tests everyday, but I will also track my BBT(Basal Body Temperature) to see if they are matching up. I refuse to quit this fight.
That moment when someone tells you, you may never have children...
I had just turned 22 when the doctor called me during dinner with the results of my lab work; I had PCOS and I had it in both ovaries quite badly. I turned around with the phone in my hand, and saw my husband sitting at the coffee table enjoying his meal. I said thank you to my gynecologist and hung up the phone.
Now, let's backtrack for a moment and try to make some sense as to how, and why I got to this point. When I was 15 years old my mother found out that I was messing around with my highschool boyfriend of the time. It was some very innocent groping while the parents were out of eyesight. Needless to say she popped her lid and took me right to the doctor to get put on birth control. When I think back upon it I realize that I never had regular menstrual cycles. It was always sporadic, and was not until I started BC that it actually seemed to regulate back to normal.
Well, after almost 7 years on 4 different kinds of contraceptives I finally married the man of my dreams. He was in the Navy, and I was embarking on an incredible journey that I had never even imagined. After 4 months of marriage I graduated college, and he moved me down to Virginia to officially live in wedded bliss. Almost immediately after arriving here we both came to the conclusion that it was time to stop BC and if we were meant to have children, then so be it. Then we noticed that there was a flaw in that plan: I stopped getting my periods altogether. Now I don't mean that I would get one every so often and then spot; oh no, I literally didn't get another one again. So of course now that I am on Tricare I made an appointment with a gyno in the area who comes highly recommended. She does some bloodwork and she takes photos of my uterus. As you well know, she diagnoses me with PCOS. Alot of things make sense now.
I look her right in the eye and ask her if this means I can't get pregnant. She doesn't even hesitate in telling me that there is no reason I shouldn't be able to conceive and that it just simply may take longer than I had planned. Wonderful! I go home feeling relieved and confident that I will be a mother. Well, then I go and do something that I now advise EVERYONE who is struggling with infertility NOT TO DO. I went online and started doing research, and started asking random strangers what their experiences were. To sum it up, that was an awful idea, and made me worry about things that should never have crossed my mind. To hear stories about women TTC for over 7 years with no luck, is not something I needed.
I have made it my personal goal to stay away from internet research, and just simply follow doctors orders. I am making some health changes and lifestyle changes. I am starting fertility drugs, and am keeping faith. I may have been given some tough news, but I refuse to allow that to stop me from what I desire, and deserve!
Now, let's backtrack for a moment and try to make some sense as to how, and why I got to this point. When I was 15 years old my mother found out that I was messing around with my highschool boyfriend of the time. It was some very innocent groping while the parents were out of eyesight. Needless to say she popped her lid and took me right to the doctor to get put on birth control. When I think back upon it I realize that I never had regular menstrual cycles. It was always sporadic, and was not until I started BC that it actually seemed to regulate back to normal.
Well, after almost 7 years on 4 different kinds of contraceptives I finally married the man of my dreams. He was in the Navy, and I was embarking on an incredible journey that I had never even imagined. After 4 months of marriage I graduated college, and he moved me down to Virginia to officially live in wedded bliss. Almost immediately after arriving here we both came to the conclusion that it was time to stop BC and if we were meant to have children, then so be it. Then we noticed that there was a flaw in that plan: I stopped getting my periods altogether. Now I don't mean that I would get one every so often and then spot; oh no, I literally didn't get another one again. So of course now that I am on Tricare I made an appointment with a gyno in the area who comes highly recommended. She does some bloodwork and she takes photos of my uterus. As you well know, she diagnoses me with PCOS. Alot of things make sense now.
I look her right in the eye and ask her if this means I can't get pregnant. She doesn't even hesitate in telling me that there is no reason I shouldn't be able to conceive and that it just simply may take longer than I had planned. Wonderful! I go home feeling relieved and confident that I will be a mother. Well, then I go and do something that I now advise EVERYONE who is struggling with infertility NOT TO DO. I went online and started doing research, and started asking random strangers what their experiences were. To sum it up, that was an awful idea, and made me worry about things that should never have crossed my mind. To hear stories about women TTC for over 7 years with no luck, is not something I needed.
I have made it my personal goal to stay away from internet research, and just simply follow doctors orders. I am making some health changes and lifestyle changes. I am starting fertility drugs, and am keeping faith. I may have been given some tough news, but I refuse to allow that to stop me from what I desire, and deserve!
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