I realized this morning that I have not blogged in just about a month, and that is due to many reasons. First of all, my husband came home from another underway and I have been able to keep him for a whole 2 weeks!!! So, of course I stay off my computer for the most part, and spend time with him :) Also, it's been a rough couple of weeks for me mentally. Let me explain...
On October 8 I FINALLY was able to go to my second appointment with the RE at Portsmouth. All of mine and my husband's test results came back, and she had everything in one little folder. I was a little taken back at first because my doctor did not handle the appointment, but her assistant did. I didn't want to be rude and specifically ask for my doctor, but there was no doubt in my mind that I wondered...
Well, all of our tests looked great! Both of my falop tubes are open! No blockage at all. My bloodwork was exactly what they expected, and my overall health was great. As far as my husband goes, he had a good number of swimmers, but they weren't as mobile as they would have liked. This could have been contributed to a number of factors, but the doctor assured me they were not worried about it at all. I am sure that with all of the stress he has been under with the ship's schedule lately, is what helped that out.
Long story short, the doc decided that we can now do our first IUI!! Unbelievably great news! She also decided that because of how well our tests looked, she is willing to do 6 rounds of it, which is even better to hear. I told her that my concern was about my husband because he is due to go underway again for another 3 weeks. She suggested freezing his swimmers now, so we can guarantee we will have some when the time comes. I was given a list of step by step instructions to follow, with the first requirement being starting my cycle. I went down to the Pharmacy and picked up all of the pills that I need.
Well, 10 days later my husband has frozen some sperm, and it now waits at the sperm bank for it's big day. I have been taking provera everyday to get my cycle going. Today is the last pill, so it should start anywhere between friday-monday. All good news right? Exactly what I had been hoping for, and even sooner than I had thought.
I wish it was that easy though. I wish I could say that I am ecstatic and full of hope, and grateful that we are finally here. But, that would be lying. Honestly, I am terrified. I think about it all day, everyday. I am stressed out, which I know is bad for my body during this time. I am worried, and I am wondering constantly what will happen from here. Even though we will be given 6 chances for our dream to come true, I am not sure whether I will have the strength to see 6 failed pregnancy tests. After coming this far, and feeling the constant dissapointment, I just don't know how much more I can take. I know several woman who were able to have it work on the FIRST TRY! But, something inside of me says I will not be one of them. This pessimistic attitude is eating me away, and I plan on telling my therapist exactly these thoughts. I need a boost. I need someone to tell me to keep the faith, and someone to believe in me, because I am starting to not believe in myself :(
