Meet your new reproductive endocrinologist

My first day ever at an infertility clinic. It was terrifying and exciting all at the same time. I had no idea what to expect, but yet knew in my heart what I needed. My new doctor has been specializing in this for a long time, and has a lot of experience. She came storming into the room with confidence booming, and knew right away what she wanted to do with me.

I cried, I sniffed and broke down and told her all of my anxiety and fears that eat away at me everyday. She listened, and she respected me. She didn't tell me, "it will happen when it's supposed to happen" or "you're still young. You have plenty of time." No, in fact she understood my desire to be a mother right now, not tomorrow, and she promised to help me with that!

She did some testing on me right away while I was there. Sonogram, urine test, and Pap Smear. Now the plan is to finish the testing in the next few weeks. I started Provera again today for the next 10 days to bring my period on. On the 3rd day of my cycle I need to go in and have my blood drawn. Also, Brendan needs to go and give a semen sample for analysis. Once all of these things are done, and the paperwork is in front of her then we will decide together what we want to do. She strongly feels that I should do an IUI, and maybe even IVF is somewhere in my future. The number one thing is that we are a hell of a lot closer than where we were yesterday!

It's going to be about another month before I can go back, and go from there, but that's okay because I feel as though the light at the end of my tunnel is getting closer and closer.

Hello Infertility Clinic! We are about to become best friends...

After a long wait, and 2 stressful weeks of lost medical records, tomorrow marks my very first appointment at the infertility clinic! Words would never be able to describe the relief and excitement that is coursing through my body right now! I have a good feeling that this is our chance, and things are about to turnaround for us!

One of the greatest perks about being a military family is that we get access to excellent medical care and specialists. I have heard some great things about Portsmouth, and now I get to experience it firsthand!

I know that I would be fool to put myself too high up on the cloud, especially when the journey could still be far from over. But I would also be lying to myself if I tried to ignore this bursting feeling in my chest! Never had I had so much hope for something in my life.

It seems as though everywhere I turn there are just countless numbers of women carrying, and babies in carriers...all over the place. I used to envy those women and allow myself to be taken under with my own grief. Not anymore though; no, now is the time to have faith in God and believe that there is a path laid out for me, and I must walk it. Some things are completely out of our control, and the more we sit back and let him take the reigns, the better off we are.

I am going to have hope that this new doctor takes good care of me, and helps Brendan and I to achieve the desire we have had for so long! The sun has come out!

Clomid is not my miracle drug!

It has been a few weeks since I was last able to write. Things got very busy for me, as my husband and I had our first big PCS to Norfolk Va! We have a beautiful home, and I am now working again. I feel good about myself, and happy that I can contribute. My husband has since reported to his first ship, and is starting to get into the swing of things. We are....content. However, there is still this huge void in our lives, and it does not seem to be filling anytime soon :(

I just finished my second round of provera and clomid, and yet again it was unsuccessful. This time around I knew in my heart not to get excited, and to expect little. Thankgod, because when I saw that negative pregnancy test again my heart didn't brake as much as last time. I can't explain how, but something in me knows that clomid is just not working for me. I feel as though we need to dig deeper, and maybe even start looking into procedures. Who knows...

One of the greatest things about this new duty station is that they have an entire infertility clinic on base!! I have heard wonderful things about them, and even have a good friend who was able to get pregnant with their help. My first appointment is next week, and I am so incredibly anxious! I just don't know what to expect. I know that it is unrealistic to assume that they will just magically have me pregnant within the next month, but without hope I wouldn't get anywhere. My husband deploys early next year, so we have a little bit of time to try and accomplish this! Sure there will be several underways in between that time, but I am determined to not give up and keep pushing through!

This whole trying to think positively thing seems to be working more than ever! I tell myself everyday that some things are out of my control, and that whatever happens is always for the best. Climbing that ladder though!