Learning to take care of myself first.

I think one of the biggest things we all deal with when struggling with infertility is when we see friends or family become pregnant and have lots babies, as we are on our heartbreaking journey. it is very difficult to figure out exactly how to handle the situation, while not offending anyone. What I have learned though, is that no matter what you do, someone is going to be affected, and not always in a good way.

I met a friend a few months ago, who had the same PCOS syndrome as me. I feel as though we clicked right away. She understood my pain, and she was on her way to doing her first IUI. She referred me to her doctor, and her therapist, and I believed I had found a real confidant. Within 3 weeks of getting to know her, she learned her IUI was successful and she was pregnant. "Ouch" is all I can say. Deep down of course I was happy to see her get what she asked for, and deserved. But, nothing could deny the fact that I was still dealing with an empty womb, and needed time to heal just from hearing her news. I immediately felt myself branch away from her, and even avoid her. It was a horrible feeling, but if I even started to think about all the joy she was experiencing right now, my heart burst with pain.

I brought this up with my therapist the other day, and asked her what the right thing to do was. I said to her, "I feel so nasty and mean, and as though I am a very petty person for being this way." You know what her response to me was? You need to protect your own heart, and help yourself through life before you can take care of anyone else. Basically, if staying away from this friend was what I needed right now, then no matter how badly it made us both feel, it is what needed to be done.

To all of my girls steal waiting on a BFP: do not allow yourself to feel bad that you want space from those who have what you don't. This is a very sensitive subject, and one that needs your ability to stay strong. If anything knocks down that strength, then you need to get away from it.

On a more positive note, my husband had his sperm analysis today! 20 days until my follow up appointment with the RE! I will be counting down every single day :)