I think one of the biggest things we all deal with when struggling with infertility is when we see friends or family become pregnant and have lots babies, as we are on our heartbreaking journey. it is very difficult to figure out exactly how to handle the situation, while not offending anyone. What I have learned though, is that no matter what you do, someone is going to be affected, and not always in a good way.
I met a friend a few months ago, who had the same PCOS syndrome as me. I feel as though we clicked right away. She understood my pain, and she was on her way to doing her first IUI. She referred me to her doctor, and her therapist, and I believed I had found a real confidant. Within 3 weeks of getting to know her, she learned her IUI was successful and she was pregnant. "Ouch" is all I can say. Deep down of course I was happy to see her get what she asked for, and deserved. But, nothing could deny the fact that I was still dealing with an empty womb, and needed time to heal just from hearing her news. I immediately felt myself branch away from her, and even avoid her. It was a horrible feeling, but if I even started to think about all the joy she was experiencing right now, my heart burst with pain.
I brought this up with my therapist the other day, and asked her what the right thing to do was. I said to her, "I feel so nasty and mean, and as though I am a very petty person for being this way." You know what her response to me was? You need to protect your own heart, and help yourself through life before you can take care of anyone else. Basically, if staying away from this friend was what I needed right now, then no matter how badly it made us both feel, it is what needed to be done.
To all of my girls steal waiting on a BFP: do not allow yourself to feel bad that you want space from those who have what you don't. This is a very sensitive subject, and one that needs your ability to stay strong. If anything knocks down that strength, then you need to get away from it.
On a more positive note, my husband had his sperm analysis today! 20 days until my follow up appointment with the RE! I will be counting down every single day :)
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Wishing time would speed up....
It's been a bit since I have posted, and probably some good reasons for that. Dealing with infertility and a husband in the military is always challenging. After my first appointment with the RE I was given a list of different types of testing that needed to be done, before she would see me again. It's been a long journey in itself just to complete all of the expected testing.
I was given Provera again immediately to jump start my period. 10 day of it, and then period began within 2 days of stopping. Cycle day 1 was September 1, and on cycle day 3 I had to drive down to Portsmouth where I gave a sample of blood testing for many different things. About a week after the test the RE called me and stated that some of the results concerned her a bit, and she wanted to get an HSG test done on me right away. Of course I didn't want to waste any time, so I grabbed a friend and went back to Portsmouth yet again where they performed the test. Not something I would ever want to do again, but was told that there is no blockage in either of my tubes. What a relief that was to hear! After the test, I believe at this point my testing has come to a close, at least I hope and pray so.
Now, the last bit of testing she needs done is a semen analysis from my husband. Now this should have been a very simple thing to do, and done fairly quickly, but it was not. My husband left right away after my first appointment to go underway with the ship. He was gone for about a week, so that pushed things back. He is now home, and has an appointment finally this coming Wednesday. Unfortunately though it takes 2 weeks for the results to come back. SO: hopefully after this wednesday we will have completed everything that was asked of us, and I can soon make a follow up appointment to see where we go from here. Very excited for this, and maintaining a positive attitude while reminding myself that good things come to those who wait :)
Along with trying to complete all of what is needed from us, I was referred by a good friend to see a local therapist has dealt with a lot of infertility patients. I decided to give it a try, and see how it went; it certainly couldn't hurt. The day I walked into the therapist's office was when I knew I had reached my breaking point. My husband was gone, and I was getting no answers still with anything. I was struggling badly, and in a very dark place within myself. I knew that I had to do something to change the way I was living, or nothing positive would happen for me. I opened up to the therapist and listened to her advice. I am so very grateful that I have found her.
I am now seeing the therapist twice a week, while dealing with my husband constantly going in and out. I am keeping my head held high and reminding myself that the more effort and positivity you put in something the better things will be :)
I was given Provera again immediately to jump start my period. 10 day of it, and then period began within 2 days of stopping. Cycle day 1 was September 1, and on cycle day 3 I had to drive down to Portsmouth where I gave a sample of blood testing for many different things. About a week after the test the RE called me and stated that some of the results concerned her a bit, and she wanted to get an HSG test done on me right away. Of course I didn't want to waste any time, so I grabbed a friend and went back to Portsmouth yet again where they performed the test. Not something I would ever want to do again, but was told that there is no blockage in either of my tubes. What a relief that was to hear! After the test, I believe at this point my testing has come to a close, at least I hope and pray so.
Now, the last bit of testing she needs done is a semen analysis from my husband. Now this should have been a very simple thing to do, and done fairly quickly, but it was not. My husband left right away after my first appointment to go underway with the ship. He was gone for about a week, so that pushed things back. He is now home, and has an appointment finally this coming Wednesday. Unfortunately though it takes 2 weeks for the results to come back. SO: hopefully after this wednesday we will have completed everything that was asked of us, and I can soon make a follow up appointment to see where we go from here. Very excited for this, and maintaining a positive attitude while reminding myself that good things come to those who wait :)
Along with trying to complete all of what is needed from us, I was referred by a good friend to see a local therapist has dealt with a lot of infertility patients. I decided to give it a try, and see how it went; it certainly couldn't hurt. The day I walked into the therapist's office was when I knew I had reached my breaking point. My husband was gone, and I was getting no answers still with anything. I was struggling badly, and in a very dark place within myself. I knew that I had to do something to change the way I was living, or nothing positive would happen for me. I opened up to the therapist and listened to her advice. I am so very grateful that I have found her.
I am now seeing the therapist twice a week, while dealing with my husband constantly going in and out. I am keeping my head held high and reminding myself that the more effort and positivity you put in something the better things will be :)
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