Lost the battle.

Well….it's after 5 am on saturday and hubby and I just took our final pregnancy test. What a big shocker- NEGATIVE.

At this point I think it is clear to say that our journey is over. I can no longer live like this, with the constant heart ache and constant failure. It's more than anyone should ever have to deal with, and I would never wish this on my worst enemy. Infertility is the worst disease I have ever encountered, and one that absolutely ruins lives. I have completely lost all hope that I ever had, and Brendan and I have decided to stop all treatments. It is pretty clear after 3 IUI's that it just doesnt work. I could do 12 more, and I would get all the same results. My body is not capable of having a pregnancy. It's obviously something that God wants, and I just have to respect that.

Now that Brendan is prepared to deploy in 2 weeks he can leave knowing his wife was a failure, and that he will never be a father, because of me. I let him down, and I let myself down. I can now spend the next 8 months in this giant, empty, quiet house.

Sometimes we have to learn to accept the hands that are dealt to us, and come to terms with it. No more treatments, no more trying desperately, no more. Time to let this dream go, and learn to live without children. It's just a part of life.

I appreciate all the support I have gotten throughout this journey, and hope that the women who do deserve it, get their miracle baby soon.